This is an old post from a previous blog. dated 09/21/10...
Ex boyfriend: I need you to encourage me. Your encouragement is key for me, don’t ask why. When you slow talk my ideas, then I worry...
I know for a fact that a man needs encouragement from his mate. You have to aid in building your man up, not breaking him down. It’s important to allow him to make his own decisions, but at the same time support what he is trying to do (if it’s sensible, and in some cases it wont be). Now the above statement means the world to a woman when her man relays this to her....problem is, this isnt my man. This is my ex....Now if my opinion means that much to you, why am I his ex and not his wife. More importantly how can you say this to another woman that is states away, but yet you have a woman in the comforts of your "home" and I use the term "home" loosely, whose bills you pay, who you take care of and provide for. I don’t understand how you can do all these things for her, but the least she can do is encourage you, and she doesn’t do that.....but oh folks, we know there are two sides to every coin...so let's say she does encourage you....obviously, you don’t want it from her...you want it from me. Not only do you want encouragement for me, you seek acceptance of your ideas from me. Does he see anything remotely wrong with this picture? Like how dysfunctional can shit get between two people. I mean realistically, what do you expect me to do....just be there, pat you on your back, tell you it will be ok, tell you, you can do it....like am I seriously supposed to build someone else’s man up, for them to continually reap the benefits of the encouragement I pour into him...I MEAN GEEZ, when will this shit stop? (Rhetorical question, I know it will stop when I’m ready for it to.) Why does he not see it this way? I have made a promise to myself, not to be in the same place with this guy this time next year. I’m not blind to the fact that I deeply care about this man, and in my sick demented twisted thought process, I feel good about the fact that he does need me, but this emotional dependence is not good for me, and in all honesty not for him either. Are things really this difficult with men, or am I allowing them to be. Im getting older, this shit isnt getting better......
I always tend to think I’m a great motivator of other people. If you have a dream and idea…I will do everything in my power to encourage you to pursue it. Now this ex boyfriend and I didn’t have a bad breakup. We clearly could remain friends and everything would be ok, only problem is…there is still crazy chemistry between us and obviously the bond is still strong that we share…this is a deadly combination between two people who seriously dated for many years but given circumstances are no longer together. The reality is we will probably never be together…..unless the planets align. With that said, I have a better chance of hitting the lottery.
Anyways….I feel like this is a situation where you are investing in something, WITH NO RETURN…..why set myself up for bankrupt? I want him to be a better person, but the way he confides in me and looks for validation of his life goals is the bond he should share with the woman he is with now. Am I being mean because I feel this way? Should I still continue to encourage him?
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